My life in the past few months..
I don’t really exactly know where to begin.I’m sorry if this post is more a rambling than an actual post.I just feel like I need to write on this blog about what happened in the past few months. It took me a while to come up with this decision just
because I don’t want to create more dramas in my life, but then again I feel that I have to defend myself and stand up with both feet on the ground. I just want to clear things up and move on forward from this point on.
These past few months have been difficult for me. I lost my closest friends for reasons that I’m still not sure why. My used to be best friend for 5 years, Dee (not a real name) and I had a fall out back in February. However, we reconnected after
few weeks not speaking with each other. Everything seemed fine and we even hung out couple times afterwards.
There were many reasons why we had our first fall out. I feel more like a giver in the friendship and it’s not because she did things on purpose to hurt me but I think it’s because she didn’t like confrontation. For example, last year after I broke up with my ex, I had a crush on a friend of ours just called him Eric (not a real name). She knew about it, but one time she hung out with him all day. She didn’t tell me that she hung out with him. I found out from him and asked her about it. She defended herself even before I asked her about it. She said she didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t really care if they even did anything, the bottom line is that she didn’t answer my calls, and didn’t tell me of what happened despite she knew about my feelings toward Eric.
Since then, I was cautious about our friendship. I feel like I couldn’t trust her. Other things happened afterwards but to recap my situation with Dee, we were fine again for few weeks before my current boyfriend and I started dating.
J and I have been together for about five months now. It’s the first relationship where I know for sure that we are meant to be together. After the first time we got together, I introduced J to my closest friends and seemed like all of them like him. They told me they are happy for me. Everyone except Eric. Eric is an immature, confuse, has a lot of growing up to do (despite our same age), and has fear of commitments. He didn’t want to be with me, but then he was mad and distancing himself frome me. It’s his loss and during that period, I still treated him as one
of my good friends.
After a few weeks of being in relationship with J, I noticed that I didn’t get invitations any longer to my friends activities. Dee never answered my calls any longer and when she e-mailed or texted me back..they were short and not intimate. I called & texted Dee, Eric, and Peter(not a real name). I told them how I missed them and we need to hang out. No affirmative responses from them at all. A month went by and I felt like an outcast among my own friends. Finally my final attempt to find out what was going on and what did I do wrong, I sent a message to my three friends. I apologized to them for if I’ve done something wrong or offended them in any ways. I told them I missed them and I still want to be friends. No response at all from them. None. Nothing.
So we are not friends anymore. I deleted them from my facebook after almost a month without any response or contacts from them. I don’t understand why being deleted from facebook = a HUGE deal. After I did that, other friends from my “friends” list started to deleting me. I thought the reason why these people
hate me was because what I ended friendship with my used to be good friends. WRONG.
Apparently, the root of all problems is my ex boyfriend. Let’s call him D-bag. Him and I were together for almost three years. We met at work and I thought that we had a lot of things in common and we loved each other. It was 2.5 years mostly hell. First, with all his griefs in life, he developed a borderline personality. On top of it, he’s a drunk and a manipulator (even he told me this when we got together). He is able to manipulate people to believe that he has good intentions. During 2.5 years
we were together, I picked him up from bars completely wasted many times. I found him at waterfront, passed out on the ground. He got arrested for public intoxication. He lied to me all the time. He went to school full time, didn’t work. When I was at work, he went to bars and got drunk (during the daytime).I supported this guy for 2.5 years. Yes, he gave me some money every now and then but it didn’t add up to what I spent on him. I stayed for that long in the relationship because I thought he would change. That’s a wrong thought. People won’t change if they don’t want to change. They won’t change for anyone, so don’t expect them to change.
He hates people even tho now after we broke up, he became this Mr social butterfly, Mr Personality. He always told me how Dee is a stuck up with too high of standard girl. That’s why she’s still single. He made fun of Peter’s odd behaviors and loudness. He told me how the rest of my friends are boring and uninteresting. He never cares about my family, until we broke up. Then he called my mom “mom” and same with my sisters.
We broke up because I was sick and tired of his drunkeness. Tired of feeling that I was the only person who cares and taking care of the other person. After we broke up, he was all over my friends. He wanted to hang out with them all the time. He told me that even if he’s dating someone else and I want to go back with him, he would dump that new person in a heartbeat. Yeah, he’s such a catch.
Since a month ago, I found out from various people that apparently my D-bag ex been talking trash about me to all my friends. I don’t doubt it, that he did that too to my used to be closed friends since now they are hanging out all the time. No wonder my friends deleted me of their facebook left and right. These are people whom I’ve never had any problem with. Since they are hanging out a lot with D-Bag, they stopped talking to me and completely cut me off. It was sad that they believed him without even checking in with me first. I’ve never told a lie about my friends. With me, you get what you see. I’m not a fake. Honestly is the most important thing for me and with me, if you had problems or questions about something that you are not sure about…ask me and I will tell you the honest truth answers.
Typing this post, made me feel better. I’ve been sad for few months. Without love and supports from J, my sisters, and few closed friends that I have left…I don’t know where I am right now.
If you are reading this, thank you for allowing me to vent. The intention of this post is not to create drama or attract attention to myself. I just feel that I have explaining to do and put all these negativities behind me. I just want to move forward and that’s where I’m heading…
